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Work Rules

Work Rules - H

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Haas's Rule.
Everybody's vacations are a nuisance, except one's own.

Haber's Hypothesis.
For an employee, the number and length of coffee breaks varies directly with the amount of uncompleted work.

Hacker's Law of Personnel.
It is never clear just how many hands—or minds—are needed to carry out a particular process. Nevertheless, anyone having supervisory responsibility for the completion of the task will invariably protest that his staff is too small for the assignment.

Hackett's Rule of Planning
Short-range planning always supersedes long-range planning.

Hole's Hypotheses: Black Hole Rule
: Every messy desk contains a black hole, in which papers placed on one side disappear for three months, and then reappear on the other side. Mail Rule, The: When you are ready to reply to a letter, you will lack at least one of the following: (a) a pen (or pencil or typewriter), (b) stationery, (c) postage stamp, (d) the letter you are answering. Vacation Rule: More happens in the two weeks you are away from the office on vacation than in the fifty weeks you are there. Nonvacation Corollary: More happens in the one hour you are at lunch than the seven you are there. Rule of Occupational Transition: Don't tell your boss where to go, unless you know where you're going to go. Hole's Profitability Rule: The sumptuousness of a company's annual report is in inverse proportion to its profitability that year.

Hall's Observations.
(1) The word necessary seldom is. (2) Most business decisions are based on one critical factor: which method will cause the least paperwork? Janet's Corollary: In government, the opposite is true.

Handel's Proverb.
You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women!

Hanson's Law of Progress.
Any new form is always longer and more complicated than the one it replaces.

Hanson's Treatment of Time.
There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.

Harlan's Advice to Hecklers.
Don't start an argument with somebody who has a microphone when you don't; they'll make you look like chopped liver.

Hassel's Modified Maxim
Hard work never hurt anyone, but then neither did a whole lot of good rest.

Haviland's Discoveries.
(1) Law of Thermodynamics. Hot-air hand dryers in public washrooms will shut off just as they reach a sufficient temperature to actually begin the drying process and will always have to be restarted. (2) You will never need the full time on the second cycle.

Hawkeye's Conclusions.
(1) It's not easy to play the clown when you've got to run the whole circus. (2) The tedium here is relieved only by the boredom.

Hebert's Law of Nonsuccess.
It's lonely at the bottom, too. It's just more crowded.

Hebert's Law of Returning
If people say, "Oh, here he is" when you get back from wherever, it's not good news.

Heinemann's Law of Executive Recruitment
The best way to get a good managerial job is to have a good managerial job, no matter how thoroughly you screwed it up.

Heller's Myths of Management.
The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill.

Hellman's Product Development Rule.
If you drop something and it doesn't break, mark it heavy duty.

Helmer's Rule of Self-Enlightened Non-resistance.
When dealing with fools, do whatever is necessary to make them happy and get them off your back.

Hempstone's Dictum.
When the federal cow wanders into the paddock, somebody's going to milk it.

Hendrickson's Law.
If a problem causes too many meetings, the meetings become more important than the problem.

Henry J's Rule.
When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt.

Henry's Law of Annual Reports
The more rewrites a draft of an annual report is put through, the more the final, accepted draft for printing will match the original draft developed prior to administrative review.

Herbertson's Law of Budgets.
Don't be overly concerned with the cost of paper clips and other office supplies—fire people, and the paper clips will take care of themselves.

Hewitt's Laws
(1) Memos marked "Personal and Confidential" are neither. (2) If it looks like jive, it probably is.

Hickman's Guide to Successful Public Relations.
Corn is bacon after it has been processed by a pig.

Hinshaw's Hubris.
Gall will get you further than talent. Hinshaw's Corollary to one of Kenworthy's Laws (q.v.): To achieve longevity in an organization, be available but not visible.

Hitchcock's Staple Principle
The stapler runs out of staples only while you are trying to staple something.

Hosier's Discovery.
The last grand act of a dying institution is to issue a newly revised, enlarged edition of the policies and procedures manual.

Holberger's Rule.
It doesn't matter how hard you work on something; what counts is finishing and having it work.

Holloway's Law of Downtown Office Buildings.
Whenever you encounter double doors, one will be locked. Corollary: The locked door is always the one you try first.

Holton's Hypothesis.
The length of a presentation is in inverse proportion to its value.

Horowitz's Law.
Hanging around the watercooler can get you into hot water.

Hubbard's Discovery
Come good times or bad, there is always a market for things nobody needs.

Huddleston's Observation
Message importance varies directly with the ignorance of the colleague left in charge of your telephone.

Hynes's Advice.
When you have a lot of things to do, get your nap out of the way first.

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