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Work Rules

Work Rules - F

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Farkas's Law.
If you want economy, you have to pay for it.

Fassett's Law.
The first elevator to arrive is going in the wrong direction.

Federal Emergency Advisory.
In case of fire, flee with the same reckless abandon that occurs each day at quitting time.

Ferguson's Rules of Thumb
(1) When the boss is out, always answer his line second. He is probably on the other line. (Or, the boss never calls on his own line.) (2) The size and severity of the buck passed is inversely proportional to the size of your paycheck. (3) If all the phone lines ring at once, put them all on hold until they hang up. (4) Never answer a person who says, "May I ask a stupid question?" (5) When a caller begins with, "I have a problem," they usually do. When they say, "I have a small problem," it is usually too big for you to handle.

Fetridge's Law.
Important things that are supposed to happen do not happen, especially when people are looking.

Fields's Revelation.
If you see a man holding a clipboard and looking official, the chances are good that he is supposed to be doing something menial.

The First Law of Corporate Survival.
Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.

First Law of Government Dynamics
For every action, there is an equal but opposite inaction.

The First Sergeant's Response.
"I'd rather be wrong than look the goddamn thing up."

Fitzlof's Fact.
Organizational consolidation is invariably followed by a minimum increase in administrators of one-third.

Flory's Laws.
(1) The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. (2) Whenever you put out a trough full of public money, you are going to find some pigs with all four feet in it. (3) As time goes on, everything gets heavier. Mrs. Flory's Addition to the Third Law. . . . and farther.

Flowers's Findings.
(1) You are always doing something marginal when your boss drops by your desk. (2) The least important and the most important information gets passed on at the office copy machine. (3) You haven't not worked until you've worked for the government. (4) If someone else's clout depends on your productivity, (s)heil be on your back.

Foley's Dicta
(1) People are generally down on things they ain't up on. (2) If the count goes two strikes against you, cancel the meeting.

Fortner's Law
It takes less time to avoid it than to explain it.

Fortune Cookie Message
Don't blame failures on others. You just didn't work hard enough.

Fowler's Law.
In a bureaucracy accomplishment is inversely proportional to the volume of paper used.

Frond's Laws of Product Development.
(1) The amount of time necessary to develop a new product is always one unit of time longer than you think it should be. A one-month project will take one quarter, a two-quarter project will take two years, etc. (2) There is no such thing as a conservative market projection.

Fri's Laws of Regulatory Agencies.
(1) If any agency can regulate, it will. (2) Regulation drives out broad-gauged, long-term thinking.

Fried's Law of Public Administration.
If it's logical, rational, reasonable, and makes good common sense, it's not done. Corollary: If it's logical, rational, reasonable, and makes good common sense, don't you do it!

Frost's Working Rule.
By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day.

Fullner's Law of Menial Employment.
The more menial a job an individual has, the higher the probability of meeting friends, relatives, and acquaintances while at work.

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