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Work Rules

Work Rules - C

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Caffyn's Law of "According to."
The rosier the news, the higher-ranking the official who announces it.

Canfield's Corollary to the "You Can't Win 'em All Rule":
You can't even fight 'em all.

Carlisle's Rule.
To find the IQ of any committee or commission, first determine the IQ of the most stupid member and then divide that result by the number of members.

Carswell's Law of Productivity
Work smarter, not harder.

Carvlin's Commentaries.
The risk in a business venture should not seriously outweigh the prospective reward, as, for example, in picking a policeman's pocket.

Cason's Laws.
(1) For Plant Operation: When in doubt, blame the Maintenance Department. (2) For Economic Analysis: The assumption you make without realizing you are making it is the one that will do you in. (3) For Speed Limitation: They will remember how poorly the job was done long after they have forgotten how quickly it was done. (4) For Meetings: Regardless of the length of the meeting, all important decisions will be made in the last five minutes before lunch or quitting time.

Cavalry Journal Discovery.
A staff study is a record of the tortuous thought processes between a set of invalid assumptions and a foregone conclusion.

Cavanagh's Laws of Bureaucratic Management
(1) The process is the substance. (2) The staff is the line.

Celine's Laws.
(1) National security is the chief cause of national insecurity. (2) Accurate communication is possible only in a nonpunishing situation. (3) An honest politician is a national calamity.

Charnovitz's Postulate for Elevators
The fewer the floors an elevator has to serve, the more time it takes for the elevator to travel between each floor.

Chilton's Theological-Clerical Rule
If you work in a church office you have to keep all your equipment locked up, because nothing is sacred.

Chism's Law of Completion
The amount of time required to complete a government project is precisely equal to the amount of time already spent on it.

Civil Service Maxim
The pension is mightier than the sword.

C J.'s Law
Philosophy doesn't get the washing-up done.

Clark's Clamor.
Where are they? How many were they? Which way were they going? I must find them. I am their leader.

Clark's Law of Leadership
A leader should not get too far in front of his troops or he will get shot in the ass.

Clarke's Law
Improving something is admirable, but inevitably five times zero is still zero.

Clay's Conclusion
If you ever saw a cat and a dog eating out of the same plate, you can bet your ass it was the cat's food.

Clifton's Advice.
Don't give up high ground till you know you're over the pass.

Collins's Law of Control.
Businesses exert the tightest controls over the easiest things to control, rather than the most critical.

Combs's Laws.
(1) A lot of people who complain about their boss being stupid would be out of a job if he were any smarter. (2) If you think OSHA is a small town in Wisconsin, you're in trouble.

Condon's Laws.
Business Eating: The cost of an expense-account lunch is always inversely proportional to the amount of business done. Responsibility: The thickness of the Chief Executive's carpet is in direct proportion to the amount of buck-passing carried out.

Connolly's Law of Cost Control.
The price of any product produced for a government agency will be not less than the square of the initial Firm Fixed-Price Contract.

Conway's Law.
In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.

Joe Cooch's Laws.
(1) If things are military and make sense, coincidence has entered the picture. (2) To hell with the content, let's get the format straight. (3) Personnel officers exist primarily for the purpose of screwing up other people's careers. (4) The most complicated problems always arise at the most remote locations. (5) Writing a directive and getting people to pay attention to it are two entirely different operations. (6) Staff studies should always be written in support of foregone conclusions; assumptions will be furnished later. (7) The more esoteric the presentation, the thicker the accept of the person presenting it. (8) Generals must be kept busy or their subordinates will be. (9) Greatest consideration in personnel matters is given to those individuals who are the least efficient and the most troublesome; or, if you want top-level support, screw up. (10) It is illegal for any headquarters to admit error. (11) Planners are people who take implausible assumptions, apply these to conditions that could not possibly exist, using resources that will undoubtedly not be available, to produce a plan of action that is inconceivable to be followed out. (12) One thousand guesses added together are not necessarily more accurate than one big guess. (13) The longer you work on a casualty estimate, the less accurate it becomes. (14) If people don't obey a Regulation, write another more complicated. (15) Invariably, the least knowledgeable of individuals is the most vocal.

Cooke's Fundamental Theorem of Political Economics.
If you can only cover costs, capitalism is irrelevant.

Coolidge's Immutable Observation
When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.

Cossey's Advice
Instead of starting at the bottom and working up, people should start at the top and work down. Only when one knows the job above can the one below be done correctly.

Cox's Realization.
The prediction that will be fulfilled is the one you didn't have the nerve to voice.

Crenna's Law of Accountability
If you are the first to know about something bad, you are going to be held responsible for acting on it, regardless of your formal duties.

Crescimbeni's Rule on Working.
Don't worry about people not working at their jobs in the afternoons. It is in the morning when they don't work. In the afternoons they don't come in.

Cruickshank's Laws. Committees
: If a committee is allowed to discuss a bad idea long enough, it will inevitably vote to implement the idea simply because so much work has already been done on it. Gimme Mine: No matter how bad the idea, or how poor the results, a program will always be considered a howling success at the local level as long as federal funds continue to pay for it.

Czecinski's Conclusion.
There is only one thing worse than dreaming you are at a conference and waking up to find that you are at a conference—and that is the conference where you can't fall asleep

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