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Work Rules - B

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Banks's Revision.
If at first you do succeed— try to hide your astonishment.

Bastl's Law.
Through many years of diligence, perseverance, and hard work, one can successfully maintain one's position at the bottom of one's profession.

Batt's Laws
(1) Once you overcome your fear of public speaking, you'll never be asked to speak again. (2) The long-winded person will always answer your long-distance calls.

BB's Group Dynamics Dictum.
In a group, the unknowing will try to teach the lesser-skilled or-knowing.

Belle's Constant.
The ratio of time involved in work to time available for work is usually about 0:6.

Benchley's Law.
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.

Bender's Laws.
(1) No two office machines are compatible. (2) In word processing, the worst typos remain invisible until the printout. If the typo also creates an error in fact, it will remain invisible until the letter is in the mail.

Bentov's Law.
One's level of ignorance increases exponentially with accumulated knowledge. For example, when one acquires a bit of new information, there are many new questions that are generated by it, and each new piece of information breeds five or ten new questions. These questions pile up at a much faster rate than does the accumulated information. The more one knows, therefore, the greater his level of ignorance.

Berla's Version.
If you file it, you'll never need it. If you need it, you never file it.

Bernstein's Principle of Homogeneity.
Behavior and personality traits are relatively constant even in very different situations and relationships. Corollary 1: You can't be one kind of person and another kind of president. Corollary 2: You can't be a wonderful friend and an abusive parent. Corollary 3: Someone who treats a relative fairly will do the same with a stranger.

Beshere's Formula for Failure.
There are only two kinds of people who fail: those who listen to nobody, and . . . those who listen to everybody.

BethelTs Iron Law of Conferences.
The number in attendance diminishes with time.

Beville's Rule of Secrecy in Business.
Secrecy is the enemy of efficiency, but don't let anyone know it.

Blake's Law.
Anything that can change, is.

Blumenthal's Observation.
The difference between business and government is that the government has no bottom line.

Blutarsky's Axiom
Nothing is impossible for the man who will not listen to reason.

Bone's Labor Discovery.
Unlimited manpower can solve any problem except what to do with the manpower; for example, if a man can dig a hole in a minute, why can't sixty men dig a hole in one second?

Boren's Laws of the Bureaucracy.
(1) When in doubt, mumble. (2) When in trouble, delegate. (3) When in charge, ponder.

Boston's Discovery.
Cash flow is an oxymoron.

Boyd's Managerial Survival Law
When faced with a crisis, take the inevitable and turn it around to make it look like a conscious decision.

Boyle's Laws Applicable to the Workplace
(1) Your career will unfold as a series of miscalculations, not all yours. (2) Your future will depend upon having the courage of your miscalculations. (3) If they discover your standards, they will use them against you. (4) If you gain the doctorate, you will lose your first name. (5) Today's disaster is tomorrow's archaeology. (6) It is possible to make the right mistake. (7) Every life is a solo flight. (8) The ears have walls.

Brady's Law of Problem Solving.
When confronted by an unseemingly difficult problem, it is easier solved by reducing it to the question "How would the Lone Ranger have handled this?"

Branch's Law of Crisis.
The spirit of public service will rise, and the bureaucracy will multiply itself much faster, in time of grave national concern.

Brecht's Reminder
As a grown man you should know better than to go around advising people.

Brennan's Laws.
(1) Pay Expectancy. Everyone wants to be paid exactly what they are worth, as long as it is more than they are making. (2) Cost of Living. When the cost of living goes up, people expect pay to go down. When the cost of living goes down, people expect pay to stay up. (3) Consulting. When management concludes that someone from the outside is always smarter than an employee, they are telling their employees that no one with any brains could be expected to work here.

Brenner's Location Is Everything Rule
If youwant to run with the big dogs, you've got to go potty in the tall grass.

Brewer's Reminder.
Don't start vast projects with half-vast ideas.

Brien's First Law.
At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.

Brewer's Aphorism.
Honesty is not only the best policy, it is rare enough today to make you pleasantly conspicuous.

Brown's Aphorism
Nothing worth learning is learned quickly except parachuting. Brown's Postulate: No matter how low your own self-esteem, there are probably others who think less of you. Brown's Point: One of the virtues of propaganda is that it is easy to understand. Brown's Revision: Man does not breed by love alone.

Brown's Law.
Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases.

Brown's Law of Business Success
Our customer's paperwork is profit. Our own paperwork is loss.

Brown's Laws.
(1) A memo longer than one page no longer is a memo. (2) Your self-imagined importance is in direct proportion to the illegibility of your signature. (3) Anything written to another person is sure to (a) end up in someone else's hands; (b) be misunderstood, and (c) be photocopied.

Brownian Motion Rule of Bureaucracies.
It is impossible to distinguish, from a distance, whether the bureaucrats associated with your project are simply sitting on their hands or frantically trying to cover their asses.

Brozik's Laws.
(1) In any organization, it is more important to pick your enemies than it is to pick your friends. (2) Never buy anything expensive from somebody who dresses better than you do. One of you is playing in the wrong league. —Dallas Brozik

Budget Analyst's Rule.
Distribute dissatisfaction uniformly.

Buffett's Poker Principle
If you've been in the game thirty minutes and you don't know who the patsy is, you're the patsy.

Burdg's Philosophy.
It's not the time you put in, but what you put in the time.

Bureaucratic Bylaw of Deliverance.
God told Moses he had good news and bad news.

"The good news first," said Moses.

"I'm planning to part the Red Sea to allow you and your people to walk right through and escape from Egypt," said God, adding, "and when the Egyptian soldiers pursue, 111 send the water back on top of them."

"Wonderful," Moses responded, "but what's the bad news?"

"You write the environmental-impact statement."

Bureau Termination, Law of.
When a government bureau is scheduled to be phased out, the number of employees in that bureau will double within twelve months after that decision is made.

Burgy's Definition of Statistics.
A bunch of numbers running around looking for an argument.

Burnham's Tenth Law
If there's no alternative, there's no problem.

Burns's Lament.
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

Busch's Law of the Forty-Hour Week
The closer a day is to a weekend, holiday, or vacation, the greater the probability of an employee calling in sick. Corollary: No one gets sick on Wednesdays.

Butler's Expert Testimony.
The function of the expert is not to be more right than other people, but to be wrong for more sophisticated reasons.

Butler's Marketing Principle.
Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise man to be able to sell it.

Byars's Bylaws.
(1) Never work for a boss who opens the company mail. (2) The customer is always right. . . and ignored

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