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Corporate Language

Activate. To make copies and add more names to the memo.

Advanced Design. Beyond the comprehension of the ad agency's copywriters.

All New. Parts not interchangeable with existing models.

Approved, Subject to Comment. Redraw the damned thing.

Automatic. That which you can't repair yourself.

Channels. The trail left by interoffice memos.

Clarify. To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.

Conference. A place where conversation is substituted for the dreariness of labor and the loneliness of thought.

Confidential Memorandum. No time to photocopy for the whole office.

Consultant. Someone who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is—then walks away with the watch.

Coordinator. The person who has a desk between two expediters

Developed After Years of Intensive Research. Discovered by accident.

Expedite. To confound confusion with commotion.

Forwarded for Your Consideration. You hold the bag for a while.

FYI. Found Yesterday. Interested?

Give Someone the Picture. To make a long, confused, and inaccurate statement to a newcomer.

Give Us the Benefit of Your Present Thinking. We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already decided to do.

In Conference. Nobody can find him/her.

In Due Course. Never.

Infrastructure. (1) The structure within an infra. (2) The structure outside the infra. (3) A building with built-in infras.

It Is in Process. So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.

Let's Get Together on This. I'm assuming you're as confused as I am.

Meeting. A mass meeting by the masterminds.

Note and Initial. Let's spread the responsibility for this.

Policy. We can hide behind this.

Program. Any assignment that cannot be completed by one telephone call.

See Me. Come down to my office, I'm lonely.

Reliable Source—The person you just met. Informed Source—The person who told the person you just met. Unimpeachable Source—The person who started the rumor originally.

Top Priority. It may be idiotic, but the boss wants it.

Under Active Consideration. We're looking in the files for it.

Under Consideration. Never heard of it.

We Are Making a Survey. We need more time to think of an answer.

We Will Look into It. By the time the wheel makes a full turn, we assume you will have forgotten about it too.

Will Advise in Due Course. If we figure it out, well let you know.

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